I've been blogging a lot lately. This is weird! But I need it. Soooo bad.
Last night was my first dance practice!! Or do we call it a class? rehearsal? I'm not sure but it was FUNNNNNNNNN and got my mind off everything for an hour and a half!!!!! It was SOOOO needed. We started learning a combo and danced our hearts out to it. SO GREAT!
Tonight I had my first CATACOMBS practice and it went REALLY well! There are lots of cool people in the band, there is only one other newbie, and she's a freshman. So it's pretty cool. I'm pretty fortunate to have been picked!!! I feel special.
We did a lot of CHILLIN and getting to know each other--had dinner together, talked, messed around a little (okay, a lot)... then sang/played for an hour! We're practicing for Sunday night and i CAN'T WAIT.
My voice is seriously lacking today. Ok, that's an understatement. I really don't HAVE a voice. I got sick yesterday and have slowly been losing my voice. Now after all the singing i REALLY don't sound good. It's pretty funny though. Surprisingly I managed to somehow still sing even with a croaky voice. Not singing my BEST but sing, after all, which i'm thinking is a great accomplishment right now.

I saw the Chiropractor today and thankfully I didn't have another big break down in his office like last week. That was embarrassing. I just started crying right there. And was pretty blinded by tears the whole way home on my bike. I'm sure people in cars were probably like WHAT THE HECK is wrong with her? Is she dying? That's a story I guess I can share. It was interesting. Last thursday morning I went to the chiropractor, and he noticed I looked really tired and kept pressing me to figure out why, so i finally told him i didn't get much sleep, and why...etc... and started crying. Started crying much more outside, and while I was in my own little world of sadness, I saw a blind man crossing the street. He was not at a cross walk and this street was very busy. I stopped to watch him just to make sure he made it ok, and right then, he ran into a stopped car! :-( I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM! I forgot about MY little problems in life and MY emotions and just thought WOW. I have such a good life compared to that guy. I am so blessed. I can see! That poor guy was trusting his walking stick to cross a street, and his walking stick went under the car between the wheels so he didn't know it was there and he smacked right into it! SAD DAY!! That of course made me cry all the harder. I think it was God showing me I have it good. I have so much to be thankful for and don't need to be feeling sorry for myself. Stuff happens but it shouldn't change our whole mood and attitude. I take things for granted too much. I'm thinking this blind guy could have definitely been an angel or just someone God sent me to show me that everything is okay. I am okay and I will be OK.

I'm going to the chiropractor one more time tomorrow to evaluate what's goin on,... to see if the 6 weeks of treatment did anything... i think he'll take more x-rays or something. My shoulder has been SO much better. I really love chiropractors now:-)

It's already the middle of the week and i'm SOOOO GLAD!! I need the weekend! Thankfully school work has not started stressing me out yet. (haha, i have so much other stuff going on i kinda forget i am in school sometimes. right now school doesn't matter to me. i do it but i'm not thinking about it) ....BUT I DO HAVE A mid-quad exam this friday in one lit class, and another one on monday for my other lit class, then my first environmental sci test next friday!!
I was writing poems (or things that look like poems) in class today. I get obsessed with writing and just can't stop sometimes. Songs, poems.... it's good I guess but not when you forget you're in class and you can't concentrate on anything else! My head was somewhere in the clouds I guess.

Okay that's all for tonight. I am still "coping" and trying to understand and trying to survive. I keep listening to the same sad songs OVER AND OVER. Not sure if that's a good thing.......;-) Good night!

So,...now what? :-)

I went to the chiropractor today.
It's been great, I started going at the beginning of Aug. because I found out my insurance covers it! I have had a pinched nerve in my right shoulder for about 4 years so i finally got x-rayd everything to see if there is something bigger going on. Not that you need to know all this, but basically, i have lost most of the curve in my spinal part of my neck, and that has thrown everything off. So I've been going almost 3 times a week to this chiropractor and it has been really helping! Anywho, I rode my bike there today and I told him I had been swimming and was hoping to be on swim team or was at least considering it and seeing if i had time for it... .and he raised his eyebrows and looked very concerned and said: "Umm... I would definitely limit that right now."
And "limit" means going less than 3 times a week which is what I have to do right now to be able to be ready for swim team when it officially starts. We have 3x a week optional practices right now plus dry land training on the other 2 days....and I shouldn't be doing any of that I just found out. "Limit the arm over head exercises."
I have been praying so much that God would lead me and help me know where to get involved and how much time to put into different things. I am disappointed but at the same time, not at all, that I can't do swim team. It is kinda nice having a good real legit reason to not commit to the team. The chiropractor says I shouldn't! And if I can't be in the pool right NOW 3 times a week because he says my muscle is tryin to heal, i will never be able to catch up to the team and start swimming 6 days a week in October. I think I would ruin myself [shoulder].
So it looks like I've made my decision. Or God has. I can't swim. I'm physically not capable.
I really wanted to challenge myself and see if I could really do it. Balance my time between studies, swimming, work, friends, ministries, and alone/God time....but it looked impossible.... I was gonna try anyway.... But now God has shut that door.
I'm grateful in a way though. The pressure is off. I can commit to other things without worrying so much. I am definitely doing dance ministry now, and I am still praying that I got accepted into one of the 2 worship bands I auditioned for.

Well, I made 2 call-backs! And I've already been to the call-back auditions so now I have to sit and wait. and pray more.

I'm so excited for this year and what God has for me. It must not be swim team, so lead me God! I had a rough start with Orientation and other things in my life, but I am doing okay. I know that God has a plan, and I know He has His reasons for everything that's going on. He fills my loneliness, He takes away my sadness, He is there every minute of every day when other people can't be.
My joy is in Him. And I can trust that whatever happens, He worked it out that way and He just wants me to live for Him, live IN Him, live With Him.



the pictures you see are a few of my close friends (top left), my great roommate Emily on the right, and then me with Charlotte, my great suitemate (on right below the previous).