Taking a peek back into the past

I was talking to my sister yesterday and a bit today and just thinking back to my semester at Mauldin High in SC. I was a junior and was coming straight from being homeschooled my entire life, to the biggest pot head school around (or so people said)! But my older sister and brother both graduated from there so I was excited to go. And I had wanted to be in real school for soooo long so it was pretty exciting.

My whole semester there I never used my locker.
I tried a few times but never could quite figure out a combination lock and was too embarrassed fiddling around with it and didn't want to be late for class since it was on the first floor and all my classes were spread way far apart! I didn't bother. I walked around with a full backpack and stacks of textbooks in my hands. NERD! No WONDER i have back and shoulder problems!!!!!

I tried talking to people in different classes but never had friends to walk with to and from classes. It took me a full week to figure out where each class was and how to get to each place. "At this door, take a left. At this sign, turn right....walk down this hall, turn left..." I passed people in the breeze way every day and it was always so awkward because i recognized their face but never had met them, so I avoided their eyes.

I was made fun of by one kid in Chemistry because I told him about our massive van so he said I rode the short bus to school.

My "friend" who was my deskmate in Chem for half the semester tried pushing me out of my desk a few times. Thought it was hilarious. We got along for some reason. Maybe because he was a bando fat kid and i was a lost homeschooler. Weirdos click.

My other "friend" in history class had long black hair that he never washed and was a little too proud of the fact that it smelled like mouldy cheese. He talked to me.

I was not called Eva, but "Angel" at Mauldin because my journalism teacher couldn't pronounce Evangeline and would remember me as angel because i was so quiet. I never talked in that class especially. (Eva started when I moved to France and stuck in Congo). There are still people who know me only as Vange or Evangeline though.

I had a funny friend in Keyboarding who I really enjoyed sitting with but once he found out I was moving to Africa he never would stop trying to predict that I'd become a drug dealer and hoped i would send some his way.
To this day he would still ask me how my drug business is going.

In art, one of our teachers was fired because he'd yell at us and i think he cussed some kids out. It was the worst, most disbehaved class ever. I didn't learn any art.
I thought I made one friend in that class, but she was the girl that everyone was friends with who was half Asian, drop dead gorgeous, the tiniest girl in the world, always had a new outfit on every day (all aeropostale or AE or hollister clothes) or cutesy care bear cloud rainbow type shirts that were always pastel colors, matching ribbons in her hair (purple or pink usually), and! in always the same color as her shirt, she drew a heart on one cheek with a marker. She came that way to school every day. It took a while but i finally started sitting with her. She didn't really have friends in that class so she would talk to me just cuz it was convenient.

It took me a while, but I finally found a table to sit at in the cafeteria with my friend Lindsay. I don't know how we met since we didn't have any classes together, but we started going to the same youth group, and she would let me sit with her and we hung out out of school. She was my best friend at school I guess, but i only ever saw her at lunch.
Then through that youth group I met my friend Stephen and he was my other only good friend. I think he had been homeschooled as well:-) He was in my chem class so we were lab partners. I only saw him in Chem. and at tues. night youth group.

One day as I was walking across the cafeteria (more like POWER walking across cuz i didn't wanna be late for class), I stepped and slid on a pack of ketchup (but caught myself before falling)! A table of jocks saw me and laughed and I ran to the safety of the big hallway SO EMBARRASSED.

One time I walked into the girl's restroom and a "pretty girl" asked me "Do you even HAVE a butt??" I don't know why. She had never talked to me before, ... i didn't say hi to her or anything. I had just walked past her to go into a stall and that's what she asked me. It was weird but it made me embarrassed and self-conscious.

I could probably think of countless more embarrassing moments and embarrassing things that made up my half a year at Mauldin. For some reason, I remember liking it though. No I didn't really have good friends, but i was SLOWLY making progress. That's why I was pretty disappointed when I found out we were moving to Africa. I had just discovered an AWESOME youth group on Tues. nights that wasn't part of my church but made up of kids from churches and schools all over and it was definitely one of the best things about my life in SC. The youth group was helping me meet more christians that went to Mauldin and it was just amazing how I was growing spiritually through that group. If it hadn't been for that youth group, though, I don't think my attitude about moving to the Congo would have been the same. It helped me realize I had to be open to where God was calling my family. It made me see that all things work together for good, and this could be/would be a very good thing if i tried to make it a good thing and accept it. At my 16th birthday that year i had 20 friends who showed up.... and at my goodbye party, i think about the same number or more showed up to celebrate. I don't know how I had so many friends being SO shy! but that youth group helped me meet a lot of them and brought me closer to them.

Now I didn't take you back to my high school days at Mauldin to get you to feel sorry for me. I actually told you all this to get you to laugh. I do the same, when I look back. I kept thinking of these funny stories, and couldn't believe how shy I was and the stuff I put up with.... I think it's really funny how different of a person I am now. And I'm thankful for that.

Looking back at other things, I see how much I have made it through.
There were some guys who moved out of my life,
Some friends who I thought I'd be close to forever,
Some places I thought I'd be forever,
Emotions I thought I'd feel forever,
and more.... but all of this shows me I am becoming stronger every year.
There's only one person on earth (not including family) who I haven't lost yet through all my moves and all the different experiences I've faced.
His name is Zaq. I have called him my best friend now since 2003. No matter how much we see each other, we always know that nothing will ever change between us. I still somehow feel really close to him and we don't email "novels" very much anymore (though we did that for years and now I miss it) ...We don't get to talk on the phone every week, but we still talk like nothing has changed. We both have changed a lot though. We've both grown up a lot. I didn't see him for 2 whole years, then I saw him for 2 days in summer '07, and now I haven't seen him since. I've made a goal to see him again before I turn 21 or by my 21st birthday. It has just been too long!! I can't believe how much time has passed since we've lived in the same place and went to the same homeschool group (where we met). I won't forget his crazy talents including baking delicious, beautiful, amazingly creative cakes, making outstanding truffles for Valentines Day, making crazy (but scarily realistic) prosthetics including gross pirate teeth and weird noses & chins, his ability to ACT and DIRECT, the way he threw parties with his family, the way he can take a picture or film a movie, him telling me he is very unsocial.... his DVD collection, his knowledge of every movie ever made, his crazy knowledge of actors and directors,...even producers, ... his love for horror movies,....his support for me and all his advice,.... I could go on and on. I miss my best friend. My sort of non-related brother who I hope I will always be able to stay in touch with.

Relient K in Worcester

My head feels like a bowling ball. It's hard to support it and it's pounding.
Quad break started for me today after 2 exams yesterday and a midterm on Monday!
All of them went pretty well... but i'm very unsure about the env. sci.. midterm. That class is kickin my butt. Except I did find out what I got on my FIRST sci. exam and it was an 81% so that gives me some hope (Class avg. was 75 so i can't complain!). I felt like i had done awful on that test so it was a pleasant surprise. Maybe the same thing will happen again?

Anyway, back to why my head hurts. No I was not partying last night, although I had good reason to. I decided at the last minute to go with my friend Amanda to the Relient K concert in Worcester!! We left at 5, got there an hour and a half later, and then the bands didn't start playing til 7:30! The theatre was interesting. Pretty cool... it looked like they had converted it from an old opera house into a pretty chill rock concert place. The openers were House of Heroes, then a band called Providence played, then Ludo, and FINALLY around 10, Relient K got up there! THEY WERE AWESOME! And they played a LOT of songs I knew (since i haven't really kept up with them since their 4th cd came out, i was surprised).
Most definitely the funniest part of the night was the 3 people right in front of us.
We'd like to call them the "Mormon triplets." Let me explain why...
There was a guy around 15 (maybe 16 if we're being generous) and a girl attached to each of his shoulders. Now the little girls couldn't have been more that 15. That's bein VERY nice. I think they were around 12 or 13 though. And they wouldn't stop clinging to his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck.... and he would caress them back. it was SO WEIRD> I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! The blond one that got his left shoulder was a tiny bit prettier and seemed to be the favored one. The dude was just really happy to have 2 girls.....but you could see that he preferred blondie! It was funny for a while watching them, but then it just got irritating and annoying. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with the poor curly haired girl on the right that just kept clinging on? And was that her MOTHER to the far right dancing? There was some older lady who looked a little like the curly haired girl who left at the same time they did.... We weren't sure if there was any relation or just coincidence but if that was her mother, WHAT HAPPENED? What was wrong with that woman?? It was just so funny. One time in between bands the blond girl walked away with the guy but i thought i saw all 3 of them leaving, so i started clapping and getting really excited. I turned around and hear "You know they'll be back, right?!" .... the curly haired girl was there still. OOOPS! I turned around back to my group I was with and pretended that didn't happen. hahahhaa
At the beginning of the concert, Amanda and Eli (Junior who came with us) went to go get water and i stayed to save our spot. The kids turned around and started talking to me. It was the most awkward conversation of my life, i think. They told me that the city they were from invented the Spork (what do you say to that?) .... they told me the guy was from "Clownville" and Laura was from "Cow-ville" .... and they told me their names were Laura and Laura-Lei. Imagine that.
I was so happy when A & E came back!! And also the 3 kids left after their band Ludo played so they didn't stay for Relient K.... which was when the MOSHING started.
Yeah, not real moshing I guess but the closest thing I have come to real moshing!

Everyone sorta forms a circle, and in the empty space inside the circle everyone runs around pushing each other. I got pretty into it,.... got a little bruised up and suddenly was on the ground, I got pushed so hard! Once i was on the ground my life kinda flashed before me. There were SO many people around me jumping and I was preparing myself to be crushed. I felt 2 kicks in the face, and then someone helped me get up and everything sorta stopped for a split second to make sure i was ok. I was impressed that people were so nice! But then we started jumping again. And besides feeling a little ill and bruised i was fine.
Crowd-surfing wasn't allowed. One of Eli's friends tried (eli and a. lifted her up and passed her forward) but she got to the front and the bouncer grabbed her and carried her off. It was hilarious!!
Near the end of the concert (around 11:15) Relient K was closing with a slow-ish song and i felt like i was about to collapse! My whole body just ached (i was sore to begin with from the gym the other day) and my eyes wanted to close. I thought i was going to fall down... but the concert ended and I learned how to hear again and speak... and I was fine!
OH we met the lead singer of House of Heroes and my friend talked to him for a while. I kinda just stood to the side (after shaking his hand) because i hadn't heard much of their music so wasn't a true hard-core fan. But their music was good... and Tim, the lead was really nice.

The concert ended around 11:30, we went to wendy's cuz we were starving, then got home at about 1:45. I crashed right away. Well,. . . after a shower.

so i'll crawl underneath my blanket

Today was a hard but good day. Woke up at 7 to go to the gym with Koto...showered, had devos, rode my bike to work at Deirdre's, played with her dogs, did some expenses and filing, copying, and stuff like that.... not difficult at all but then i came back, had my 3 classes in a row, got to my 3rd class and realized i had COMPLETELY forgotten to read for it! We have quizzes every day on the reading for that class so i really have no clue how i would forget to read. Pretty funny. I totally made up answers and i don't think ANY of them were right... sigh.... Why can't i be blessed with the gift of BSing? ;-)
It's also homecoming week so i've been dressing for points and today we had some blow up bouncy thingys outside -- like an obstacle course (almost a bounce house but better), a blow up wrestling ring "king of the mountain" type thingy, and another one with a bungy cord. I tried it all except king of the mountain. The obstacle course was great fun:-) And then we got ice cream sundaes and cheesecake. You gotta love the Gordon Student Association.

Oh and Chester's Place opened this week too!! (Gordon's alcoholic-free "Pub"/student hangout) Named after some very rich donor's cat. The Fowlers. They gave gordon lots of money so now we have a student hangout named after their cat. Wonderful. Shouldn't we have their cat roaming around the place then? Or at least in a cage? That would be nice. That would make it so much better. :-p It really has a "pub" feel though. It's all dark wood, hardwood floors, wooden booths (that are very hard to slide into because they're made for very skinny bodies), a small fireplace, big mantlepiece, wood ceiling,... i can't describe things very well tonight but yeah it'll be good to have.

Oh man. This was such a slacker week! Yesterday I accidentally slept through my first class!! I woke up to my suite mate timidly saying "Eva? Oh sorry! Did i wake you?" and i looked at my phone and it was 11:15!! My class was at 9:45. OOPS! First class of the year I've slept through! But it has to happen at least once a year i think. I dunno i guess i've just been extremely tired. .. .

EVERYONE IS SICK! 3 of my friends (one of them is my roommate so that's not good) at least! So I'm taking my Vitamin C and garlic hoping not to catch anything. Koto has bronchitis! Ah! This would be the WRONG weekend to get sick because KATE IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!! She and Andy are driving down from Maine tomorrow.... meeting us at Rainforest Cafe where 18 of us are going to be having a little BIRTHDAY DINNER for Koto and Charlotte:-) i can't wait!! It'll be so fun! And Kate'll be here til SUnday night or monday morning so I'm so happy. Haven't seen her since MAY!

I'm really scattered right now so I'm gonna keep flying randomly through my life/week. I've gone 2 or 3 weeks in a row now with Koto going to the gym at 7:15am MWF. It's been SO great to workout so early. It's such a nice way to start the day. Yeah it's HECK waking up but once i am up it's happy. And then I get back to my room and shower and read my Bible...sometimes I have time to journal too. So that's been extreeemely nice.
I have a LOT coming up next week work-wise. Not looking forward to it at all but it will be Quad break next weekend which means i'll be dropping 2 classes!!! My 2 lit classes will be done but then of course i'm picking up sociology so it'll only feel like i'm dropping 1. Anyway though, I studied/worked for 4 hours straight tonight because i have 2 papers, 3 exams, and a big presentation all next week beginning Monday. YUCK. Environmental Science is kicking my butt and we have our 2nd exam on monday! not happy. the rest of the stuff like my presentation and paper for Nobel Lit should be good. It's kinda a fun project we're doing.... and then my other paper is just a "journal..." and the lit exams should be easy. So i'm not TOO worried. It's just science that I worry about I guess.
Why is Gordon so hard???

I picked the songs this week for Catacombs with Colby and we're singing some great stuff. I got to pick the "theme" too ... based on what's goin on in my life and what God's been showing me and telling me. Oh and we have a violinist now too! Which is AWESOME!!! So I can't wait til Sun. night. :-)

Okay Enough Random Rambling For Now!
I'm gonna try to get some sleep after watching the most recent episode of Pushing Daisies. The cutest show ever, but probably very bad for me to be watching these days. It just makes me sad.

It's been a month

Wait right here
Was all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried him away

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The timings stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain
To wash away your face
So I don’t have to hide
The sight of you is painful

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can’t take it anymore
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

I can't stop
Seeing your face
I can't stop
Seeing your face
Everyplace

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it anymore
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days (yeah)

Joshua Radin

oh!

"Charcot-Marie-Tooth, or CMT, is the most commonly inherited neurological disorder and is found world-wide in all races and ethnic groups. Discovered in 1886 by three physicians, Jean-Martin-Charcot, Pierre Marie, and Howard Henry Tooth, CMT affects an estimated 2.6 million people.

CMT patients slowly lose normal use of their feet/legs and hands/arms as nerves to the extremities degenerate and the muscles in the extremities become weakened because of the loss of stimulation by the affected nerves. Many patients also have some loss of sensory nerve function."

My younger brother probably has CMT.
We just found this out when he saw a doctor about his abnormally high-arched feet. He then was referred to a neurologist, had some shocking (by shocking i mean they actually shocked him) tests done, and on Friday the doctor told him he probably has this neurological disease. When the doctor did some reflex tests, like the one where they tap your knee with the hammer, his leg didn't react at all. Didin't move. I researched CMT because i had no clue what it was and found this site very helpful.... http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/charcot_marie_tooth/detail_charcot_marie_tooth.htm ...but a little discouraging. My poor brother!
"The neuropathy of CMT affects both motor and sensory nerves. A typical feature includes weakness of the foot and lower leg muscles, which may result in foot drop and a high-stepped gait with frequent tripping or falls. Foot deformities, such as high arches...are also characteristic due to weakness of the small muscles in the feet."
Please pray for him as he learns what this means for his life and learns how to still be grateful to God. It is a disease that progressively gets worse, but right now, he is okay. The doctor told him he can't play sports except swimming so that is a let-down to him, and the doctor also said he probably will have to think about a new career (my brother wanted to be a security guard or in the Secret Service and the doctor says he'll have to re-think that).... he can't do anything that is physically demanding or physical period.
It is a big surprise, but we are trusting God and hoping that this makes Theo stronger and helps him grow.

Jim Elliot

I went to a concert tonight at Gordon all about Justice.
It was so amazing and Sara Groves was there. In the middle of her song "When the Saints" which had a slideshow going on with it,... i see a picture of my grandfather. It was so amazing! I love that his life/story has inspired SO many people. When I told the Catacombs band tonight he was my grandfather they all flipped out:-) It was great!! So here's the awesome song.

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharoahs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear <---- this is about Jim Elliot!
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them

I'd Rather Be With You

by Joshua Radin
Sitting here, on this lonely dock
Watch the rain play on the ocean top
All the things I feel I need to say
I can't explain in any other way

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain
Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain
You're the one thing that I'm missing here
With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us
Had I seen the way to get to where I am today
You waited on me for so long
So now, listen to me say:

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too
Say you feel the way I do


^this makes me cry! - -
<>

Please Come Back

"Please Come Back" - Michelle Tumes

I can't breathe
It's agony
Wondering where you are

Picture me on my knees
Have you run too far?

Can you hear
Can you hear the sound of my heart break
With each step you take
Can you feel
Can you feel me when I say

Please come back to me
I miss you, will you come to your senses
Please come back to me
I await the day when I prepare the feast
And I embrace you running to me

All I am
All I have
Is yours to find
You hide and seek
You think you're free
But you're wasting time

I can hear
I can hear the sound of footsteps pounding
Regret resounding
I believe
I believe the hour is near

What would you give for a ransomed heart
Would it cost too much
I'm telling you now, if you run to me
You will be free

You'll be running, you'll be running back to me

I have been thinking of Christ as the father of the Prodigal Son. He is always calling for us to come back to Him. He's always waiting with open arms, wanting to forgive us and welcome us back into His family. If only we would trust Him and listen for His calling. I felt like He was telling me the other night when I was hurting a lot: "Why do you cry? Why do you wallow in this sty of dirty grief, sadness and pain when I am here? You know I'm here for you and you know you can be happy because I have done so much for you! Can you just trust Me and Come Back? I love you. I've always loved you. There's no need to be sad any longer. Lay it all on me and move on."
He puts things or experiences in our lives for a reason. I honestly believe that to be true. I am so thankful for the lessons I've had to learn even though that learning process has been tough.
I have much more to say but I'll save it for another day! Love Michelle Tume's song!

It's looking a lot brighter!

Every day gets better and better. The clouds are finally starting to disappear and I know I will survive. I've got this guy. He's unbelievable. He's powerful. He's comforting. He Loves Me for who I am.

His name is Jesus and He holds me in His arms and whispers that everything will be alright. And I know I can trust Him.

And I know that He is the most important part of my Life right now. It is HIM I am getting close to. I've been growing so much that I am so happy right now! I am so thankful that He caught me when I fell so hard (when I thought I couldn't pick myself up again). And He caught every tear that fell, and is holding my hand. He's right beside me ALWAYS. I've fallen in love with my Savior and it's the most awesome experience in the world. What a feeling! Going deeper with Him. Every day. When I feel like everything is coming undone and falling apart, I just call out to Him and He sews it up or puts on a patch. He's healing my heart. He's stopping all the bleeding. I have a new joy. A new outlook on life.
I'm changing.
I'm stoked about that.
I'm devoting my heart and soul to Him. More and more. You can't grow without a little testing and suffering! God knows what He's doing. Sometimes He takes away good things to get us to get deeper into HIM, and closer to Him, and to remind us and make us realize HE IS ALL WE NEED!

And every day of course it's a battle. I'm a sinner and I'm a screw up, but He always forgives and I know I can always crawl back to Him, wounded and broken, and He will heal me. And make me like new. He's protecting me. Defending me. I am waiting on Him and trusting Him to get me through this rough patch. I see a lot of sunlight in the distance though. And the darkness around me has begun melting.
"Getting Into You" - Relient K
When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

Chorus:
I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into
(chorus)
I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into
(chorus)

He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into