South Carolina

I have been in the part of America known as the South. Pretty deep in the south. South Carolina where there are deer processing plants (rather, trailers that have signs for "deer processing HERE!") around.
Where 1 out of 2 vehicles are pickups...
Where you don't have to jump around too much before the sweat starts pouring out because of a hellish thing called HUMIDITY.
Where the Confederate flag flies high on some people's houses/trailers.
Where car insurance companies have to think about the deer.
Where the drink of choice is SWEET tea.
Where Waffle House and Cracker Barrel are great places to eat according to some.
Where Waffle House is a disgusting trucker's stop and really just a great place to do people watching.
Where you see more cows than people.
Where going to Wal-Mart is the social thing to do...it's the meeting place for many.
Where there are churches on every corner and most people go to some church.
Where people smile and wave when you let them in your lane or let them turn.
Where people smile and say hi when you pass them on the street or in a store.
Where you worry about droughts or the slightest bit of freezing rain/snow/ice. --Schools will shut down, roads close, people will complain about driving in bad weather, and the news stations urge you to: "Stock up on your milk and bread! it's gettin' down tonight!"
Where everything sounds sweeter...there is a kind of warm tone in that southern accent.
Where people know about hospitality.
Where you get to choose "a meat and 3." 3 meaning, 3 side dishes!
Where biscuits and gravy, oatmeal cream pies, moon pies, twinkies, cornbread, grits, turnip greens, okra, boiled peanuts, and fried chicken (among others) are in great abundance.
Where bug spray is something you just get used to applying... and you get used to stinking from it.


There is a lot I like about the South. Some things on that list, but some things not on the list. I am in a part of SC called "Due West." Yes, that's the town's name. They have their own zip code even. Everyone always wonders yeah but due West of WHAT? It's just Due West. In the middle of no where. In the boonies. In the sticks. Where they have "Dixie High School" and Erskine College (where my sister graduated from). It's a TINY little town. Blink and you might just miss it! It takes an hour to get to Greenville. About 30 mins to get to Anderson, like 45mins to get to Easley, and 20ish minutes to Greenwood (the nearest WalMart and mall)... You get used to driving a good distance.
I have been here for 2 weeks though it feels longer.... yeah my semester at Gordon finished and it finished WONDERFULLY. Very happy because something very very unexpected happened. I have a boyfriend! That is talk for another post, but I will say it was a difficult but good semester and grades went up yesterday.... and I can't complain too much.
I am staying with my sister who graduated til Saturday when she takes me up to Flat Rock, NC to go to Camp Greystone. I'll be working there/staying there until Aug. 14, and then I fly back to MA on the 15! It seems like Aug. is very far away, but I'm hoping that once camp starts and i get busy again, time will speed up a little.
Why am I so desperate to get through this summer and why don't I want it to go by slowly? There's someone I miss and really want to see at the end of the summer. :-) But I'll make it. I'm pretty excited to be a counselor.... I've never done it but have always wanted to. I can remember when I was 11 and 12 going to Camp Bonclarken (about 15mins from Greystone) saying I wanted to be a counselor one day. And I didn't think I'd ever get old enough to be one, but here I am. 20 years old, almost a junior in COLLEGE! Holy Cow, how did that happen?!!!
Greystone is a Christian all-girls camp that's been running for 90 years. It'll be a good experience for me since i'll not only be a counselor but I'll be instructing KAYAKING. I'm pretty excited about that part even though I haven't done THAT much kayaking myself. I will learn, as soon as I get to camp, all that I need to know about how to teach the basics. And I'll be on the water pretty much every day.
While I've been waiting for camp to start, I have been going to the gym a LOT and sitting around journaling, organizing my stuff for camp, looking for scholarships, reading, watching Heroes, Lost, and the Office, watching a few movies....sleeping in LOTS (often til 12 or 1pm!), staying up late, talking on the phone, and lying out in the sun a little. Colleen has been working a lot from 3-12am so that's why I've been sitting around so much. I'm a little lonely while she's not here, but I only have one more day of this. When she has had days off we've gone shopping and apartment hunting, working out, lying out, etc. So it's been fun.

That was my random post about the South and my recent happenings. Not sure when I'll post next but stay tuned for word about Greystone.

busy busy!

I'm run down.
I keep going going going... it's hard to say no to things.
But I'm trying. I am LOVING being on the worship team at church now. We have 3 backup singers including me so now we have started a rotation system in a sense... so everyone goes to practices on tuesdays but not all of us will sing on Sunday. I have this Sunday off and it'll be good to be able to sleep in one more hour this week :-p
School is pretty hard and I haven't been as committed/dedicated with my homework this semester. Not working nearly as hard and I don't know why ... I'm just letting it slide a bit more. Not a very good thing! I'm a little concerned about my FRENCH grade mostly. :-) French is kicking my butt because it's all new grammar stuff that I've never done.

I need to get out of here and take a break from life. Which is why i CAN'T WAIT for Spring Break in a week!! I'm going with my friends Courtnie, Charlotte, and Lucas! It should be exciting because we're takig an 18 hour road trip to Nashville, TN! Mt. Juliet, to be precise. Our week and a half should consist of going out in my friend's boat, going to a shooting range, going horseback riding, and hanging out in Nashville! I might get to see my favorite uncle there, too. We're staying with Courtnie's family though ... it's wicked exciting!

I finished working for this 89 year old man ... he was writing a book of his favorite quotes and little stories/anecdotes, so I helped him edit it and we went to a private local printer who printed up 50 copies! He gave me a copy so it's pretty cute. He is still very sharp, even though he's so old. Recently, his woman companion died! It was so sad. He told me on Monday she died in her sleep last night. :-( And then he said this was his 3rd girlfriend that he has outlived!!
I DON'T WANT TO GET OLD!! Poor man. I go over there now even though the book is done.... he drives a little Subaru and picks me up and takes me back after about 2 hours. One time I went over and just helped write checks for him! ...I get lots of history, lots of stories, and LOTS of his opinions on life and wisdom for me.
His best advice: Leave Gordon and go to a school that has men! haha! He also said I probably won't find a husband here because not only are there no guys, but guys in college are so young...so immature! haha he is just hilarious....
I've also noticed how RACIST he is... I can't even get into all that... but I just sit there and listen and nod... :-/
I was supposed to go over there yesterday but he forgot to come or maybe he fell asleep! He always is waiting for me in his car at 3:20 or 3:25 so it was really weird for him not to be there to pick me up. The best thing about this job: he pays $15/hour mostly for me to just sit there and keep him company. Paying bills is really not difficult, and neither was helping him put this book together! I'm praying for him... he grew up with a pastor as a father but he has completely turned away from the church and faith. He seems like he knows God exists but he doesn't care to have a relationship with Christ. He's getting old and I am just praying that I can be a light,...that Christ will shine through me and he will start to ask questions.

Well, Lent is here and I decided to try and give up COFFEE. Coffee is almost an addiction for me (i have at least one cup every morning and sometimes at night) so I am drinking tea now. I haven't had a headache yet, so after day 2 I am doing well! I am trying to get up just a little bit earlier every morning to do my devos before the day starts. So far so good in that area, too. I was trying to read my Bible at night last semester but recently I haven't been very consistent and it shows. Also, when I would read it at night I was always so ready for bed that I would rush through it and not get much from what I read.
I think that Lent is much more about what you start putting into practice. The time you get from sacrificing something (like maybe if you decide to give up Facebook) should be spent in the Word or praying or doing something beneficial to your Spiritual side of life. I am praying that Lent will be helpful for me and I'll be able to keep up the new morning routine after Easter.

back again

It's been a while now.... I've been back at Gordon for about 3 weeks and there is SO MUCH SNOW!! My body went through major shock coming back here :-( I miss California too much! Another storm came today and it was such a pain because I forgot to wear a hat or hood.

Why am I here??

But I know the answer to that question. I am glad I came to Gordon... I just can't really see myself living in a place that gets this cold in the winter for the rest of my life. Maybe if I have a winter home in a warm place LIKE CA....the New England fall and summer is pretty nice...

So I've started singing in my Church's worship team! Yes, another little thing to add into my schedule but it's very different from Catacombs because we use mics and it is something I've really been missing. I sang in choir lots in Congo and my church in SC and sometimes led worship with youth or sang solos up front in church growing up.... so it's been a while but i am back at the microphone :-)

I've also started working for Deirdre's (the lady I work for 1-2 times a week) father-in-law who is 89! He has put together a book of his favorite quotes or little stories from his life and it was printed up but in the wrong order and some things have to be changed/fixed, so that's my job! I go over to his house with my computer and edit everything for him. He thinks I'm a genius and a "very smart girl"... which to him is very unique these days. I disagree and say I'm not that smart but he reminds me that I've lived overseas with my parents and not many people in my generation have even left their state of birth! I'm not gonna lie... I'm trying very hard to be liked because he's a really generous guy, and he's old and ... maybe he'll sneak me into his will! NO!! -- JUST KIDDING! :-) That's horrible. But whenever I tell people what I'm doing now they're like "oh! that's awesome! Maybe he'll put you in his will!" ... one can only dream.
The first day I went over there he wasn't really sure what to do with me or how I could help so he said "I'm just gonna pay you $30 for your trouble of getting over here and I'll drive you back right now." It was weird but I couldn't complain! :-0 That's a little example of how nice this guy really is. And he's still so sharp/with it! He drives this little Subaru around everywhere... with his walking stick in hand... and remember, he is 89!

There isn't much else to say right now but I am back and I am going to try to keep this updated a little better now.

Classes are pretty good -- I don't have many! So it's a nice change.
later.

the plum of my pudding

So the break isn't over yet, but it sure feels like it is winding down!
The house has gotten quieter.
The grocery cart doesn't need to be nearly as full.
We don't have to sit in the back seats of the van.
There aren't as many dishes to wash. .. . . ..
Yes, the Shepard household is down to 4 kids now. 4! How weird.

We were all together except for my oldest sister Elisabeth, this year. Very unfortunate, but Elisabeth now lives in England with her little family. I hadn't seen Jim since Thanksgiving a year ago, and hadn't seen Colleen since last Christmas, so it was AWESOME seeing them all together again! And Walter and Christiana came too, of course.

We were up at Big Bear (in the mountains here in California) for 4 -almost 5- days renting a cabin for us to be in some SNOW around Christmas time ... because it just doesn't feel like Christmas time without some cold, wet (or frozen) weather! It was Niiice. Of course Colleen and Sarah had to go to Goodwill because they don't own anything snow-approved... they came back with a great purple nylon jumper (jumpsuit?) and a teal full body waterproof onesie! Oh and Sarah found some GREAT snow boots. Colleen got rainboots for Christmas so that worked out okay. They looked like genuine snow bunnies (from 1960)! Not that many of us looked STYLIN out there.... but they just looked the funniest! Jim of course has his nice legit snowboarding pants and boots, and nice winter clothes... Walter has plenty of winter clothes but he just didn't play out in the snow with us, and Christiana sort of struggled. We had to all donate some of our layers to her since she just came out of CongoLand! Mom, Theo, and Christiana didn't own any waterproof boots or shoes so they tied plastic grocery bags around their ankles over their shoes!! HAHA! It was a sight to see:-) Now I had just recently bought some Granny-boots--waterproof, fur-lined, warm, dry-- and I had plenty of silk or spandex layers to keep me toasty!! BOSTON! Hello! I had some great nylon pants that went perfectly over a pair of sweatpants to waterproof them. It all worked out. ;-) I'm not gonna lie. We all looked really funny!

I have more than enough pictures from those 4 days. We played in the snow -- made a "Snow Cat" and "Snow-Woman" (not -man), made a sweet hill for sledding, and roasted by the fire. Told lots of stories, had some discussions...one that ended in some tears but all was okay! ... played some games, watched some tv,....and ate LOTS. On the 3rd day we were there (i think), Jim took me, theo, and sarah to a rental place and we rented snowboards and skis! Sarah skiid (her snowsuit matched with the skis much better than a snowboard anyway!), and Theo and I attempted snowboarding! Jim of course has his own board, boots, and binding. We bought lift tickets for the full day and off we went.

After about the 5th or 6th time going down the bunny slope, Jim said I should try some bigger hills. I don't know why I agreed. ... . no, it was actually okay! But what i did NOT get was why it was so easy to start going down left foot first, then switch over to right foot first! Jim tried teaching me to lean forwards on my toes and sorta go backwards (hard to explain but maybe if you have snowboarded you know what i'm talking about?) to slow myself down instead of doing the snowplowing or switching over to right foot forward. I just couldn't do it. I smacked my butt and knees SO hard SO MUCH! I cried coming down one hill. I just kept getting back up and trying again, but it was way too hard to do what I was supposed to. I slowed myself down the wrong way most of the day for fear of breaking my butt. Not fun! But it was fun ... i really enjoyed snowboarding even though I was pretty bad at it. I like the feeling of it a lot better than skis. I don't feel as in control, but i think that's half the fun of it. You know how I love the rush of anything extreme!!
I stayed on the blue and green diamond slopes all day though. I wasn't stupid enough to go on the black diamonds;-) ... plus when you fall a lot just getting off the LIFT... that is embarrassing enough!
I met one guy on the lift with Sarah and he told me I was pretty and that if i am ever on tv (as a reporter), i should signal hi to him. We have a secret signal. Haha, he was funny! Of course I blew up the story when I got back saying "I met someone..." all excited like... but i can never keep a straight face long enough so no one believes me very long.

So being in California this long has gotten me missing it SOOOOO much. this is only (sarcasm) the 3rd time i've been back this year! WOW! We've been to the beach a couple times already and are TRYING to go this weekend. I really hope!
Okay enough for now. I want to tell the story of New Years Eve & New Years but can't. Sleep is a little higher up on the priorities list tonight.

My Auld Lang Syne

Lots of time has passed and so has lots of stuff! I mean lots has happened. It's been a very weird month...month and a half...okay let's just say a very weird year!

And now it's all over. 2008 is done and gone.

How strange how certain things turned out. Very different from how I expected them to turn out. Isn't that weird when that happens? You count on something so hard to go one way, and it decides to go the complete OTHER way. Darn. I'm trying to tell myself "this did NOT ruin my year!" but it sorta is true... Not so sure how much I like 2008. Welcome, 2009! Welcome!!

I need a fresh start. I know what I need but do I want it?
More unknown. Here it comes.

I was going through all my facebook "Friends" tonight and it got me thinking. Do I know these people anymore? Why should I still be "friends" with them? Are we ever going to see each other again? And yes, I actually deleted some. I can say that openly. When you haven't talked in a couple years and haven't seen people in more than that, I think it's safe to move on, don't you? So yes... I sorta weeded out some people from my facebook FRIENDS list. Looked at people's profile,... my how things have changed, I thought,... and then looked at the clock. WOW I am wasting my life away! What is wrong with me? What would I be doing right now if FB didn't exist?? That's a scary thought. but one that deserves an answer.

Happy New Year 4 days late. And here's to a truly NEW Year!

afterthoughts

How did I forget to mention that I've been seeing lots of my niece and nephew? My nephew is sitting and crawling or scooting around a lot now! And he is learning to eat... today during our big meal we let him try some peas and it was hilarious how he would push them around in his mouth a little and then suddenly spit them out... ;-) He's the cutest! And Valerie loves to tell us to "Settle down" and loves to say "Give me a boom!" (She learned it from a great friend Steve Cabalka...who i miss sooo badly!) It's more than cute. She says it in a lower voice because that's how Mr. C. says it... i just can't even explain it! You have to see it and hear it!! And today she said to my dad "No, give me a better boom!" because he kinda missed her knuckles... or she missed his. And she wants a goodnight boom and a "i went potty" boom now too :-)

My rents have 2 adjoining apartments in this missionary housing place called "House of Rest." Elisabeth & Matt live in an apartment one door down, so they are basically at Mom & dad's apartment with the 2 little ones all day. They've been here almost 2 months and get ready to move to England in a week or 2.... pretty crazy! We don't know when we'll see them again so I'm trying to spend as much time as possible with them all!

Theo and Sarah are doing great.... Sarah just found out she made JV soccer team and has her first game Tuesday,... and Theo loves youth group and has made several friends now. They are so happy to be living in CA, but we don't know what the rest of this year holds for them. They could be moving in Jan. or Feb. depending on where my dad finds a job. He has to find a job by Feb. and it could be in any state. We have no clue where they'll end up this time:-) It's all in God's hands so we are praying lots!
*yawn* okay! That's it! Goodnight

"Turkey Day!"

I Finally made it to my parent's place in Pasadena, CA for Thanksgiving! I got here on Monday night, and can't believe I only have a few days left....today obviously was thanksgiving, so HAPPY thanksgiving!

We had the traditional family spread.... gigantic turkey, cranberry sauce, my sweet potato casserole, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, 5 bottles of sparkling cider...you know... and it was ALL delicious!! On Tuesday I found out Mom and dad had planned on going out to eat this year. I furiously protested! A traditional home-cooked thanksgiving is what I had been looking forward to these past few months and what I spent so much money on a ticket for! No, of course I really bought the ticket to spend time with my family, but part of that is cooking and eating at home.... thanksgiving wouldn't be the same for me at a restaurant! So anyway me and Elisabeth (my oldest sister who is moving to England in 2 weeks) convinced the rents we had to stay here and Sarah, me, and her would do ALL the cooking so mom and dad wouldn't have to do anything.
We did all the cooking and clean up with a little help from Matt (Elisabeth's husband) and Theo. It was probably the smallest family thanksgiving we've ever had since it was just 4 siblings out of 8... but no, I guess 2 years in Congo we had only 3 siblings! But it really felt weird without my older brothers and Colleen. I am SO excited about Christmas when we all (minus Elis. & Matt) will be together. We just can't seem to get everybody here at once but that's life in a family of 8!

We did the whole "go around and say what you're thankful for" and I thought of so many things to say. I have so much to be thankful for. I say that every year but God has taught me a lot, given me a LOT, blessed me a lot, stretched me a LOT, matured me a lot, brought me through a lot,... and I know He will keep blessing me and working everything out.... :-)
Anyways i just wanted to write and say I'm thankful today. There are things in my life that I never thought I'd have today, and there are things or parts of my life that I don't have anymore today,... but God is helping me be optimistic and He just keeps helping me to trust Him and not worry about the future.
I've been trying to live in the Present and not take anything for granted.
It's time for bed.
Debating on whether or not I should take Sarah shopping this Black Friday.... :-/ hmm
Tempted!! We'll see... but first, I have a coffee date with my dad in the morning!!!

gross taste in my mouth

I'm 20!

What a weird age. It's not really that celebrated. It's kinda like 19 and 17... no one cares! oh and 11 isn't so great either. But my 20th was amazing. To start, I had a party on friday night with my closest friends. we dressed up obnoxiously 80's style and went BOWLiNG!!!!! It took weeks but i finally found a place IN MA that actually had REAL 10-pin bowling. Up here they have this weird bowling called "candlepin." I don't think it should be considered bowling.... you use miniature balls and i don't even know what. I don't know who made it up, but apparently I heard something like it was the original bowling? Naw... I won't believe it. It's made for people who have no strength and who want to make it easier on themselves. And people have candlepin bowling birthday parties? No thanks. I reserved lanes at a place like 25 mins away and we paid for an hour. it was so fun but needless to say,... my bowling skillz were lacking. Sometimes I used to get lucky. But seeing that I hadn't bowled in 3 years,... well... it was inevitable that I wasn't going to do very well. No matter what I did there would always be about 2 left standing. Not enough power!!


But yeah it was sweet. Everyone's costumes were great... and we went out for ice cream on the way home! Richardson's ice cream.... dairy fresh :-p Oh and then we watched a movie when we got back to campus!!

Saturday consisted of trying to make myself do my weekend homework. I failed.
Sunday was supposed to be just church and out to lunch for my birthday. Instead, I got something else.
Very early in the morning, becky, savannah, char, and koto come in my room and wake me up. I was totally disoriented, and asked what was going on.
"Get up, we gotta go!!"
"What? Where? Why?? It's so early!"
"Just come on"
"What time is it?"
"Just get dressed and put on sweats and a jacket!"
"I don't have a shirt on."
"Here, now hurry!"
"Are we going outside?"
They all look at me, laughing. (They are all dressed in coats and sweats. Of COURSE we're going outside.)

As soon as I could get out of bed and put on clothes, they threw a blindfold on me and led me downstairs outside. They made a rude joke about leading around a special girl. ;-) :-( They start running with me still holding their hands, I hear a car pull up, and Char pushed me in. Except I was turned backwards so i tried sitting but fell into the crack between the front and back seat (where your feet go)... i almost got stuck... it was the funniest thing ever since i was still half asleep! I was like WHERE ARE WE GOING?? the whole time and they wouldn't answer. They just kept saying hurry!! They helped me turn around and find the seat (i felt like i was upside down) ... and then we drove like 10mins... I had no idea where we were headed. I felt like I was being kidnapped. They dragged me out of the car again and started making lots of noise so that I wouldn't be able to tell where we were until we had walked a little bit. Then they took the blindfold off and I realized WE WERE AT THE BEACH!!!!!! And the sun hadn't come up yet! They threw down some blankets and I shouted with "glee" (haha i've always wanted to use that word!). We were here to see the sunrise on the beach!!





A little background break: I had written a list of 20 things I wanted to do when I was 20, before I turned 21. And on my 21st birthday I toast to the things I got done. Well number 16 is to watch the sunrise at Singing Beach.... so I got to check one off on the day of my birthday!!



It was the most perfect day and the most perfect sunrise! It was absolutely gorgeous, and not too cold! I felt pretty special. Just the fact that my friend Char had arisen at such an hour in the morning was a miracle and made me feel really good.... and Becky had gotten up too, and Koto drove us! And .... the idea was Charlotte's!!! It was sooo amazing. Now i've seen the sun SET and the sun RISE over the ocean and I still believe it is one of the prettiest things you can ever watch. And both times I saw such epic events (lol) I was with someone [or some people] very special. People I love. So it made my birthday! But that wasn't the end. I got blindfolded again (i think they just enjoyed watching me stumble around and ask dumb questions) and we stopped at Dunkin for breakfast. Then we went home and I took an hour nap before church. Church was so good, and then we dropped Lucas off at his dorm and Koto & Char were like "Eva we have to go to one more place now." I was like, what? Because we were supposed to just go back to Gordon and hang out until my friends could go out to lunch. So I had ANOTHER surprise ahead of me. We went to the mall, and when we got inside koto was like, "Eva our gift to you is a manicure!" So the 3 of us got manicures. I got a French:-) Looks so nice!!
As we were leaving, "Asian Island" caught our attention and Char said she wanted to pay for me to get a back massage. So we 3 got massages too! It was sooo nice. A little uncomfortable when the guy was massaging my BUTT ... but it really felt nice:-)

Then we went back to Gordon and picked up Emily, Savannah, and Becky, and went out to Carrabba's! That's a restaurant i used to love when we lived in SC so i wanted to go there again. It's Italian food.... and so of course I got fettuccini alfredo...with Shrimp! and i got sung to in Italian and a piece of delicious birthday cake! We didn't make it back to campus til like 5 and then it was basically the end of my birthday... time to STUDY and write a speech and paper... ew.
But Catacombs was at 8 so i went and practiced....and THEY gave me CUPCAKES and i got to blow out candles:-) and they gave me a signed card! So sweet and very much a surprise.
WHAT A BIRTHDAY!! It just made me realize what AMAZING friends I have here. I don't know How I'd do it without them. But they're so generous, genuine, sweet,. . . and FUN!!! Birthdays without family are always a little weird (still getting used to that) but this one was sooo good.

so how am i doing? Well... it's been rough. My birthday even was a little sad. There's a big part of my life that's still missing. And it'll be this way for at least another month. Maybe longer. Maybe forever. I don't even know and that is the hardest part. I don't know what there is left to hang on to but I can't forget about it or drop it either. It's part of me. Silence is NOT very golden right now (that was very cheesy; sorry). I have made it exactly 2 months but only because of God. I feel like this last month will be the hardest. It's been awesome having the support from my friends, and the great birthday they put together. I'm not ungrateful but life is different. I am just TRYING to get through... TRYING to focus on looking forward to when I'll be with my fam for thanksgiving (only 2 more weeks!)....and I feel like once thanksgiving passes things will start going really fast. We don't have much school left but most of my motivation is GONE. It's really hard to do work now.

I don't know why.

I don't know what my problem is.

I will get through with God's help though... I know that... I just want to feel sorry for myself and wallow a bit. :-(

evangeline

Taking a peek back into the past

I was talking to my sister yesterday and a bit today and just thinking back to my semester at Mauldin High in SC. I was a junior and was coming straight from being homeschooled my entire life, to the biggest pot head school around (or so people said)! But my older sister and brother both graduated from there so I was excited to go. And I had wanted to be in real school for soooo long so it was pretty exciting.

My whole semester there I never used my locker.
I tried a few times but never could quite figure out a combination lock and was too embarrassed fiddling around with it and didn't want to be late for class since it was on the first floor and all my classes were spread way far apart! I didn't bother. I walked around with a full backpack and stacks of textbooks in my hands. NERD! No WONDER i have back and shoulder problems!!!!!

I tried talking to people in different classes but never had friends to walk with to and from classes. It took me a full week to figure out where each class was and how to get to each place. "At this door, take a left. At this sign, turn right....walk down this hall, turn left..." I passed people in the breeze way every day and it was always so awkward because i recognized their face but never had met them, so I avoided their eyes.

I was made fun of by one kid in Chemistry because I told him about our massive van so he said I rode the short bus to school.

My "friend" who was my deskmate in Chem for half the semester tried pushing me out of my desk a few times. Thought it was hilarious. We got along for some reason. Maybe because he was a bando fat kid and i was a lost homeschooler. Weirdos click.

My other "friend" in history class had long black hair that he never washed and was a little too proud of the fact that it smelled like mouldy cheese. He talked to me.

I was not called Eva, but "Angel" at Mauldin because my journalism teacher couldn't pronounce Evangeline and would remember me as angel because i was so quiet. I never talked in that class especially. (Eva started when I moved to France and stuck in Congo). There are still people who know me only as Vange or Evangeline though.

I had a funny friend in Keyboarding who I really enjoyed sitting with but once he found out I was moving to Africa he never would stop trying to predict that I'd become a drug dealer and hoped i would send some his way.
To this day he would still ask me how my drug business is going.

In art, one of our teachers was fired because he'd yell at us and i think he cussed some kids out. It was the worst, most disbehaved class ever. I didn't learn any art.
I thought I made one friend in that class, but she was the girl that everyone was friends with who was half Asian, drop dead gorgeous, the tiniest girl in the world, always had a new outfit on every day (all aeropostale or AE or hollister clothes) or cutesy care bear cloud rainbow type shirts that were always pastel colors, matching ribbons in her hair (purple or pink usually), and! in always the same color as her shirt, she drew a heart on one cheek with a marker. She came that way to school every day. It took a while but i finally started sitting with her. She didn't really have friends in that class so she would talk to me just cuz it was convenient.

It took me a while, but I finally found a table to sit at in the cafeteria with my friend Lindsay. I don't know how we met since we didn't have any classes together, but we started going to the same youth group, and she would let me sit with her and we hung out out of school. She was my best friend at school I guess, but i only ever saw her at lunch.
Then through that youth group I met my friend Stephen and he was my other only good friend. I think he had been homeschooled as well:-) He was in my chem class so we were lab partners. I only saw him in Chem. and at tues. night youth group.

One day as I was walking across the cafeteria (more like POWER walking across cuz i didn't wanna be late for class), I stepped and slid on a pack of ketchup (but caught myself before falling)! A table of jocks saw me and laughed and I ran to the safety of the big hallway SO EMBARRASSED.

One time I walked into the girl's restroom and a "pretty girl" asked me "Do you even HAVE a butt??" I don't know why. She had never talked to me before, ... i didn't say hi to her or anything. I had just walked past her to go into a stall and that's what she asked me. It was weird but it made me embarrassed and self-conscious.

I could probably think of countless more embarrassing moments and embarrassing things that made up my half a year at Mauldin. For some reason, I remember liking it though. No I didn't really have good friends, but i was SLOWLY making progress. That's why I was pretty disappointed when I found out we were moving to Africa. I had just discovered an AWESOME youth group on Tues. nights that wasn't part of my church but made up of kids from churches and schools all over and it was definitely one of the best things about my life in SC. The youth group was helping me meet more christians that went to Mauldin and it was just amazing how I was growing spiritually through that group. If it hadn't been for that youth group, though, I don't think my attitude about moving to the Congo would have been the same. It helped me realize I had to be open to where God was calling my family. It made me see that all things work together for good, and this could be/would be a very good thing if i tried to make it a good thing and accept it. At my 16th birthday that year i had 20 friends who showed up.... and at my goodbye party, i think about the same number or more showed up to celebrate. I don't know how I had so many friends being SO shy! but that youth group helped me meet a lot of them and brought me closer to them.

Now I didn't take you back to my high school days at Mauldin to get you to feel sorry for me. I actually told you all this to get you to laugh. I do the same, when I look back. I kept thinking of these funny stories, and couldn't believe how shy I was and the stuff I put up with.... I think it's really funny how different of a person I am now. And I'm thankful for that.

Looking back at other things, I see how much I have made it through.
There were some guys who moved out of my life,
Some friends who I thought I'd be close to forever,
Some places I thought I'd be forever,
Emotions I thought I'd feel forever,
and more.... but all of this shows me I am becoming stronger every year.
There's only one person on earth (not including family) who I haven't lost yet through all my moves and all the different experiences I've faced.
His name is Zaq. I have called him my best friend now since 2003. No matter how much we see each other, we always know that nothing will ever change between us. I still somehow feel really close to him and we don't email "novels" very much anymore (though we did that for years and now I miss it) ...We don't get to talk on the phone every week, but we still talk like nothing has changed. We both have changed a lot though. We've both grown up a lot. I didn't see him for 2 whole years, then I saw him for 2 days in summer '07, and now I haven't seen him since. I've made a goal to see him again before I turn 21 or by my 21st birthday. It has just been too long!! I can't believe how much time has passed since we've lived in the same place and went to the same homeschool group (where we met). I won't forget his crazy talents including baking delicious, beautiful, amazingly creative cakes, making outstanding truffles for Valentines Day, making crazy (but scarily realistic) prosthetics including gross pirate teeth and weird noses & chins, his ability to ACT and DIRECT, the way he threw parties with his family, the way he can take a picture or film a movie, him telling me he is very unsocial.... his DVD collection, his knowledge of every movie ever made, his crazy knowledge of actors and directors,...even producers, ... his love for horror movies,....his support for me and all his advice,.... I could go on and on. I miss my best friend. My sort of non-related brother who I hope I will always be able to stay in touch with.

Relient K in Worcester

My head feels like a bowling ball. It's hard to support it and it's pounding.
Quad break started for me today after 2 exams yesterday and a midterm on Monday!
All of them went pretty well... but i'm very unsure about the env. sci.. midterm. That class is kickin my butt. Except I did find out what I got on my FIRST sci. exam and it was an 81% so that gives me some hope (Class avg. was 75 so i can't complain!). I felt like i had done awful on that test so it was a pleasant surprise. Maybe the same thing will happen again?

Anyway, back to why my head hurts. No I was not partying last night, although I had good reason to. I decided at the last minute to go with my friend Amanda to the Relient K concert in Worcester!! We left at 5, got there an hour and a half later, and then the bands didn't start playing til 7:30! The theatre was interesting. Pretty cool... it looked like they had converted it from an old opera house into a pretty chill rock concert place. The openers were House of Heroes, then a band called Providence played, then Ludo, and FINALLY around 10, Relient K got up there! THEY WERE AWESOME! And they played a LOT of songs I knew (since i haven't really kept up with them since their 4th cd came out, i was surprised).
Most definitely the funniest part of the night was the 3 people right in front of us.
We'd like to call them the "Mormon triplets." Let me explain why...
There was a guy around 15 (maybe 16 if we're being generous) and a girl attached to each of his shoulders. Now the little girls couldn't have been more that 15. That's bein VERY nice. I think they were around 12 or 13 though. And they wouldn't stop clinging to his shoulders, nuzzling into his neck.... and he would caress them back. it was SO WEIRD> I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! The blond one that got his left shoulder was a tiny bit prettier and seemed to be the favored one. The dude was just really happy to have 2 girls.....but you could see that he preferred blondie! It was funny for a while watching them, but then it just got irritating and annoying. What was wrong with them? What was wrong with the poor curly haired girl on the right that just kept clinging on? And was that her MOTHER to the far right dancing? There was some older lady who looked a little like the curly haired girl who left at the same time they did.... We weren't sure if there was any relation or just coincidence but if that was her mother, WHAT HAPPENED? What was wrong with that woman?? It was just so funny. One time in between bands the blond girl walked away with the guy but i thought i saw all 3 of them leaving, so i started clapping and getting really excited. I turned around and hear "You know they'll be back, right?!" .... the curly haired girl was there still. OOOPS! I turned around back to my group I was with and pretended that didn't happen. hahahhaa
At the beginning of the concert, Amanda and Eli (Junior who came with us) went to go get water and i stayed to save our spot. The kids turned around and started talking to me. It was the most awkward conversation of my life, i think. They told me that the city they were from invented the Spork (what do you say to that?) .... they told me the guy was from "Clownville" and Laura was from "Cow-ville" .... and they told me their names were Laura and Laura-Lei. Imagine that.
I was so happy when A & E came back!! And also the 3 kids left after their band Ludo played so they didn't stay for Relient K.... which was when the MOSHING started.
Yeah, not real moshing I guess but the closest thing I have come to real moshing!

Everyone sorta forms a circle, and in the empty space inside the circle everyone runs around pushing each other. I got pretty into it,.... got a little bruised up and suddenly was on the ground, I got pushed so hard! Once i was on the ground my life kinda flashed before me. There were SO many people around me jumping and I was preparing myself to be crushed. I felt 2 kicks in the face, and then someone helped me get up and everything sorta stopped for a split second to make sure i was ok. I was impressed that people were so nice! But then we started jumping again. And besides feeling a little ill and bruised i was fine.
Crowd-surfing wasn't allowed. One of Eli's friends tried (eli and a. lifted her up and passed her forward) but she got to the front and the bouncer grabbed her and carried her off. It was hilarious!!
Near the end of the concert (around 11:15) Relient K was closing with a slow-ish song and i felt like i was about to collapse! My whole body just ached (i was sore to begin with from the gym the other day) and my eyes wanted to close. I thought i was going to fall down... but the concert ended and I learned how to hear again and speak... and I was fine!
OH we met the lead singer of House of Heroes and my friend talked to him for a while. I kinda just stood to the side (after shaking his hand) because i hadn't heard much of their music so wasn't a true hard-core fan. But their music was good... and Tim, the lead was really nice.

The concert ended around 11:30, we went to wendy's cuz we were starving, then got home at about 1:45. I crashed right away. Well,. . . after a shower.

so i'll crawl underneath my blanket

Today was a hard but good day. Woke up at 7 to go to the gym with Koto...showered, had devos, rode my bike to work at Deirdre's, played with her dogs, did some expenses and filing, copying, and stuff like that.... not difficult at all but then i came back, had my 3 classes in a row, got to my 3rd class and realized i had COMPLETELY forgotten to read for it! We have quizzes every day on the reading for that class so i really have no clue how i would forget to read. Pretty funny. I totally made up answers and i don't think ANY of them were right... sigh.... Why can't i be blessed with the gift of BSing? ;-)
It's also homecoming week so i've been dressing for points and today we had some blow up bouncy thingys outside -- like an obstacle course (almost a bounce house but better), a blow up wrestling ring "king of the mountain" type thingy, and another one with a bungy cord. I tried it all except king of the mountain. The obstacle course was great fun:-) And then we got ice cream sundaes and cheesecake. You gotta love the Gordon Student Association.

Oh and Chester's Place opened this week too!! (Gordon's alcoholic-free "Pub"/student hangout) Named after some very rich donor's cat. The Fowlers. They gave gordon lots of money so now we have a student hangout named after their cat. Wonderful. Shouldn't we have their cat roaming around the place then? Or at least in a cage? That would be nice. That would make it so much better. :-p It really has a "pub" feel though. It's all dark wood, hardwood floors, wooden booths (that are very hard to slide into because they're made for very skinny bodies), a small fireplace, big mantlepiece, wood ceiling,... i can't describe things very well tonight but yeah it'll be good to have.

Oh man. This was such a slacker week! Yesterday I accidentally slept through my first class!! I woke up to my suite mate timidly saying "Eva? Oh sorry! Did i wake you?" and i looked at my phone and it was 11:15!! My class was at 9:45. OOPS! First class of the year I've slept through! But it has to happen at least once a year i think. I dunno i guess i've just been extremely tired. .. .

EVERYONE IS SICK! 3 of my friends (one of them is my roommate so that's not good) at least! So I'm taking my Vitamin C and garlic hoping not to catch anything. Koto has bronchitis! Ah! This would be the WRONG weekend to get sick because KATE IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!!! She and Andy are driving down from Maine tomorrow.... meeting us at Rainforest Cafe where 18 of us are going to be having a little BIRTHDAY DINNER for Koto and Charlotte:-) i can't wait!! It'll be so fun! And Kate'll be here til SUnday night or monday morning so I'm so happy. Haven't seen her since MAY!

I'm really scattered right now so I'm gonna keep flying randomly through my life/week. I've gone 2 or 3 weeks in a row now with Koto going to the gym at 7:15am MWF. It's been SO great to workout so early. It's such a nice way to start the day. Yeah it's HECK waking up but once i am up it's happy. And then I get back to my room and shower and read my Bible...sometimes I have time to journal too. So that's been extreeemely nice.
I have a LOT coming up next week work-wise. Not looking forward to it at all but it will be Quad break next weekend which means i'll be dropping 2 classes!!! My 2 lit classes will be done but then of course i'm picking up sociology so it'll only feel like i'm dropping 1. Anyway though, I studied/worked for 4 hours straight tonight because i have 2 papers, 3 exams, and a big presentation all next week beginning Monday. YUCK. Environmental Science is kicking my butt and we have our 2nd exam on monday! not happy. the rest of the stuff like my presentation and paper for Nobel Lit should be good. It's kinda a fun project we're doing.... and then my other paper is just a "journal..." and the lit exams should be easy. So i'm not TOO worried. It's just science that I worry about I guess.
Why is Gordon so hard???

I picked the songs this week for Catacombs with Colby and we're singing some great stuff. I got to pick the "theme" too ... based on what's goin on in my life and what God's been showing me and telling me. Oh and we have a violinist now too! Which is AWESOME!!! So I can't wait til Sun. night. :-)

Okay Enough Random Rambling For Now!
I'm gonna try to get some sleep after watching the most recent episode of Pushing Daisies. The cutest show ever, but probably very bad for me to be watching these days. It just makes me sad.

It's been a month

Wait right here
Was all she said to me
And so right here I stay
Time has reached our home
And I've been left alone
It's carried him away

And everyone keeps saying
Nothing helps but time
Time is all I own
The timings stop replaying over in my mind
I watch the hours slow down

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

Now a year has passed
Alone I stay inside
And I await the rain
To wash away your face
So I don’t have to hide
The sight of you is painful

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can’t take it anymore
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days

I can't stop
Seeing your face
I can't stop
Seeing your face
Everyplace

So I crawl underneath my blanket
Where I can hide away
I know I can't take it anymore
‘Cause I see now
It's just one of those days (yeah)

Joshua Radin

oh!

"Charcot-Marie-Tooth, or CMT, is the most commonly inherited neurological disorder and is found world-wide in all races and ethnic groups. Discovered in 1886 by three physicians, Jean-Martin-Charcot, Pierre Marie, and Howard Henry Tooth, CMT affects an estimated 2.6 million people.

CMT patients slowly lose normal use of their feet/legs and hands/arms as nerves to the extremities degenerate and the muscles in the extremities become weakened because of the loss of stimulation by the affected nerves. Many patients also have some loss of sensory nerve function."

My younger brother probably has CMT.
We just found this out when he saw a doctor about his abnormally high-arched feet. He then was referred to a neurologist, had some shocking (by shocking i mean they actually shocked him) tests done, and on Friday the doctor told him he probably has this neurological disease. When the doctor did some reflex tests, like the one where they tap your knee with the hammer, his leg didn't react at all. Didin't move. I researched CMT because i had no clue what it was and found this site very helpful.... http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/charcot_marie_tooth/detail_charcot_marie_tooth.htm ...but a little discouraging. My poor brother!
"The neuropathy of CMT affects both motor and sensory nerves. A typical feature includes weakness of the foot and lower leg muscles, which may result in foot drop and a high-stepped gait with frequent tripping or falls. Foot deformities, such as high arches...are also characteristic due to weakness of the small muscles in the feet."
Please pray for him as he learns what this means for his life and learns how to still be grateful to God. It is a disease that progressively gets worse, but right now, he is okay. The doctor told him he can't play sports except swimming so that is a let-down to him, and the doctor also said he probably will have to think about a new career (my brother wanted to be a security guard or in the Secret Service and the doctor says he'll have to re-think that).... he can't do anything that is physically demanding or physical period.
It is a big surprise, but we are trusting God and hoping that this makes Theo stronger and helps him grow.

Jim Elliot

I went to a concert tonight at Gordon all about Justice.
It was so amazing and Sara Groves was there. In the middle of her song "When the Saints" which had a slideshow going on with it,... i see a picture of my grandfather. It was so amazing! I love that his life/story has inspired SO many people. When I told the Catacombs band tonight he was my grandfather they all flipped out:-) It was great!! So here's the awesome song.

Lord I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know
It's more than I can handle
But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones
and I cannot let it go

And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

Lord it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind
it often overwhelms me
but when I think of all who've gone before and lived the faithful life
their courage compells me
And when I'm weary and overwrought
with so many battles left unfought

I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard
I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars

I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharoahs court
I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them

I see the long quiet walk along the Underground Railroad
I see the slave awakening to the value of her soul

I see the young missionary and the angry spear <---- this is about Jim Elliot!
I see his family returning with no trace of fear

I see the long hard shadows of Calcutta nights
I see the sisters standing by the dying man's side

I see the young girl huddled on the brothel floor
I see the man with a passion come and kicking down the door

I see the man of sorrows and his long troubled road
I see the world on his shoulders and my easy load

And when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
and when the Saints go marching in
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them
I want to be one of them

I'd Rather Be With You

by Joshua Radin
Sitting here, on this lonely dock
Watch the rain play on the ocean top
All the things I feel I need to say
I can't explain in any other way

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain
Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain
You're the one thing that I'm missing here
With you beside me I no longer fear

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us
Had I seen the way to get to where I am today
You waited on me for so long
So now, listen to me say:

I need to be bold
Need to jump in the cold water
Need to grow older with a girl like you
Finally see you are naturally
The one to make it so easy
When you show me the truth
Yeah, I'd rather be with you
Say you want the same thing too
Say you feel the way I do


^this makes me cry! - -
<>

Please Come Back

"Please Come Back" - Michelle Tumes

I can't breathe
It's agony
Wondering where you are

Picture me on my knees
Have you run too far?

Can you hear
Can you hear the sound of my heart break
With each step you take
Can you feel
Can you feel me when I say

Please come back to me
I miss you, will you come to your senses
Please come back to me
I await the day when I prepare the feast
And I embrace you running to me

All I am
All I have
Is yours to find
You hide and seek
You think you're free
But you're wasting time

I can hear
I can hear the sound of footsteps pounding
Regret resounding
I believe
I believe the hour is near

What would you give for a ransomed heart
Would it cost too much
I'm telling you now, if you run to me
You will be free

You'll be running, you'll be running back to me

I have been thinking of Christ as the father of the Prodigal Son. He is always calling for us to come back to Him. He's always waiting with open arms, wanting to forgive us and welcome us back into His family. If only we would trust Him and listen for His calling. I felt like He was telling me the other night when I was hurting a lot: "Why do you cry? Why do you wallow in this sty of dirty grief, sadness and pain when I am here? You know I'm here for you and you know you can be happy because I have done so much for you! Can you just trust Me and Come Back? I love you. I've always loved you. There's no need to be sad any longer. Lay it all on me and move on."
He puts things or experiences in our lives for a reason. I honestly believe that to be true. I am so thankful for the lessons I've had to learn even though that learning process has been tough.
I have much more to say but I'll save it for another day! Love Michelle Tume's song!

It's looking a lot brighter!

Every day gets better and better. The clouds are finally starting to disappear and I know I will survive. I've got this guy. He's unbelievable. He's powerful. He's comforting. He Loves Me for who I am.

His name is Jesus and He holds me in His arms and whispers that everything will be alright. And I know I can trust Him.

And I know that He is the most important part of my Life right now. It is HIM I am getting close to. I've been growing so much that I am so happy right now! I am so thankful that He caught me when I fell so hard (when I thought I couldn't pick myself up again). And He caught every tear that fell, and is holding my hand. He's right beside me ALWAYS. I've fallen in love with my Savior and it's the most awesome experience in the world. What a feeling! Going deeper with Him. Every day. When I feel like everything is coming undone and falling apart, I just call out to Him and He sews it up or puts on a patch. He's healing my heart. He's stopping all the bleeding. I have a new joy. A new outlook on life.
I'm changing.
I'm stoked about that.
I'm devoting my heart and soul to Him. More and more. You can't grow without a little testing and suffering! God knows what He's doing. Sometimes He takes away good things to get us to get deeper into HIM, and closer to Him, and to remind us and make us realize HE IS ALL WE NEED!

And every day of course it's a battle. I'm a sinner and I'm a screw up, but He always forgives and I know I can always crawl back to Him, wounded and broken, and He will heal me. And make me like new. He's protecting me. Defending me. I am waiting on Him and trusting Him to get me through this rough patch. I see a lot of sunlight in the distance though. And the darkness around me has begun melting.
"Getting Into You" - Relient K
When I made up my mind
And my heart along with that
To live not for myself
But yet for God, somebody said
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

When I finally ironed out
All of my priorities
And asked God to remove the doubt
That makes me so unsure of these
Things I ask myself, I ask myself
Do you know what you are getting yourself into

Chorus:
I'm getting into you
Because you got to me, in a way words can't describe
I'm getting into you
Because I've got to be
You're essential to survive
I'm going to love you with my life

When he looked at me and said
I kind of view you as a son
And for a second our eyes met
And I met that with a question
Do you know what you are getting yourself into
(chorus)
I've been a liar and I'll never amount to
The kind of person you deserve to worship you
You say you will not dwell on what I did but rather what I do you say
I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into
(chorus)

He said, I love you and that's what you are getting yourself into

waiting

Isa. 30:18
Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for Him.

2 Cor. 12:9--He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

I believe suffering is necessary for growth. And I've been doing a LOT of that lately (i meant growth but i guess both works). I'm gonna keep growing, of course. haha, i'm a LONG way off from finished, but I have come a long way since last week. Sunday night was my first Catacombs and it started my week off wonderfully.
I was doing so much better...much happier even though I was so stressed out with all the WORK I've had this week. it's been insane. 3 exams, and daily quizzes, tons of reading.... tis life at Gordon! And I think that actually helped me. Lots of work is a good thing these days. Tonight was really hard, and actually all day it has been really hard having a positive/happy attitude.
As I said, I'm still growing and still working. Still laying it at Christ's feet and learning how to better/more completely trust HIM to get me through!

verses for the day

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." -Psalm 147:3

"Behold, God is my helper; the Lord is the upholder of my life. He will return the evil to my enemies; in your faithfulness put and end to them. With a freewill offering I will sacrifice to You; I will give thanks to Your name, O Lord, for it is good. For He has delivered me from every trouble, and my eye had looked in triumph on my enemies." -Psalm 54:4-7

"Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore He exalts Himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him." -Isaiah 30:18

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved." -Psalm 55:22

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord..." Lamentations 3:22-26

"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." Romans 11:36

I've been blogging a lot lately. This is weird! But I need it. Soooo bad.
Last night was my first dance practice!! Or do we call it a class? rehearsal? I'm not sure but it was FUNNNNNNNNN and got my mind off everything for an hour and a half!!!!! It was SOOOO needed. We started learning a combo and danced our hearts out to it. SO GREAT!
Tonight I had my first CATACOMBS practice and it went REALLY well! There are lots of cool people in the band, there is only one other newbie, and she's a freshman. So it's pretty cool. I'm pretty fortunate to have been picked!!! I feel special.
We did a lot of CHILLIN and getting to know each other--had dinner together, talked, messed around a little (okay, a lot)... then sang/played for an hour! We're practicing for Sunday night and i CAN'T WAIT.
My voice is seriously lacking today. Ok, that's an understatement. I really don't HAVE a voice. I got sick yesterday and have slowly been losing my voice. Now after all the singing i REALLY don't sound good. It's pretty funny though. Surprisingly I managed to somehow still sing even with a croaky voice. Not singing my BEST but sing, after all, which i'm thinking is a great accomplishment right now.

I saw the Chiropractor today and thankfully I didn't have another big break down in his office like last week. That was embarrassing. I just started crying right there. And was pretty blinded by tears the whole way home on my bike. I'm sure people in cars were probably like WHAT THE HECK is wrong with her? Is she dying? That's a story I guess I can share. It was interesting. Last thursday morning I went to the chiropractor, and he noticed I looked really tired and kept pressing me to figure out why, so i finally told him i didn't get much sleep, and why...etc... and started crying. Started crying much more outside, and while I was in my own little world of sadness, I saw a blind man crossing the street. He was not at a cross walk and this street was very busy. I stopped to watch him just to make sure he made it ok, and right then, he ran into a stopped car! :-( I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM! I forgot about MY little problems in life and MY emotions and just thought WOW. I have such a good life compared to that guy. I am so blessed. I can see! That poor guy was trusting his walking stick to cross a street, and his walking stick went under the car between the wheels so he didn't know it was there and he smacked right into it! SAD DAY!! That of course made me cry all the harder. I think it was God showing me I have it good. I have so much to be thankful for and don't need to be feeling sorry for myself. Stuff happens but it shouldn't change our whole mood and attitude. I take things for granted too much. I'm thinking this blind guy could have definitely been an angel or just someone God sent me to show me that everything is okay. I am okay and I will be OK.

I'm going to the chiropractor one more time tomorrow to evaluate what's goin on,... to see if the 6 weeks of treatment did anything... i think he'll take more x-rays or something. My shoulder has been SO much better. I really love chiropractors now:-)

It's already the middle of the week and i'm SOOOO GLAD!! I need the weekend! Thankfully school work has not started stressing me out yet. (haha, i have so much other stuff going on i kinda forget i am in school sometimes. right now school doesn't matter to me. i do it but i'm not thinking about it) ....BUT I DO HAVE A mid-quad exam this friday in one lit class, and another one on monday for my other lit class, then my first environmental sci test next friday!!
I was writing poems (or things that look like poems) in class today. I get obsessed with writing and just can't stop sometimes. Songs, poems.... it's good I guess but not when you forget you're in class and you can't concentrate on anything else! My head was somewhere in the clouds I guess.

Okay that's all for tonight. I am still "coping" and trying to understand and trying to survive. I keep listening to the same sad songs OVER AND OVER. Not sure if that's a good thing.......;-) Good night!